Nine Basic Tips for a Happy Married Life

Hi Friends,

Divorce Rates in America keeps shooting up. 50% of married couples seperate as per the current statistics. The reason could vary from "i dont like you" to "He/she cheated on me". Despite this fact, you can keep your marriage stable and healthy, if you follow there nine simple tips of happy married life.

(1) Agree to Disagree - Every person is unique in his tastes, view points, likes, way of speech, handling people etc,. We all come from a different families and had different experiences. So understand the fact that we love each other because of our uniqueness.

(2) Never let one harsh word break your solid marriage - Anger blinds us, makes us do things we would normally fear to imagine. Temporary Anger has been the reason behind many murders and incidents of crime. Anger may be temporary, but the impact of it sometime cause permanent damage. So dont let your temporary variation in moods let you make a permanent damage to your marriage.

(3) Shower love often: I would say whenever possible say "I love you". There is nothing as simple and powerful as a simple "I love you". When you say, never just say that. Feel it and mean it.

(4) Never quarrel in Bed: Dont start a fight in bed. Assign a specific place to talk and sort out any issues. Make it a habit not to go to bed with pending issues. Never discuss on it in bed. Treat bed like a holy place. When you get there, only love should persist.

(5) Have dinner together: Having a breakfast, lunch together could not make a big difference because we would still be bound to office timings, some office work bothering us or we are to rush back. Dinner is the only time, where you have all the time in the world to share about your day. So try to have as many dinners together as possible.

(6) Listen most of the time: Communication is the key to a successful marriage. Understand your partner to the most possible extend. When we are in love, its usual to be very attentive and loving. Once married, many of us take our partner for granted. Dont guess your partner's needs. Discuss and get clarity. Treat this like a client meeting. Show interest in the life of each other.

(7) Stay Fit and healthy: During our teenage,we give importance to our looks. After marriage, we eat junk foods and totally become junk. Keep yourself fit. Stay attractive even at 40.

(8) Watch romantic movies together: Atleast once in a weekend, spend the night watching a romantic movie together. You can watch those action movies with your friends.

(9) Give surprises: Plan surprise gifts, parties, candle light dinners etc,. Keep your married life lively. Dont let your partner feel that the thrill of married life is over.

Recommended Source:
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex

with luv,
Ashok.

Five Reasons to NOT be employed

"Go to school, get good grades and find a high paying job" tops the list of guidance we get from parents and teachers. In contrast, I am going to explore five reasons why getting employed is a wrong choice.

Time Versus Value
An employee may work part-time of full-time, but he gets paid for the amount of time he can invest. Time is limited to 24 hrs a day, from which we may be able to put in 10 to max 18 hrs for work. This time limitation limits your income as well. And lets say, you get ill and cannot work for the next month. will you get paid? Definitely not. When we use a limited element like time to earn revenue, we automatically limit the level of financial success we can ever acheive in our life. In contrast, lets take a book author who falls under the self-employed. He will keep earning royalties for a successfull book he wrote years ago. Money keeps coming to his bank account when he sleeps, goes on vacation, spend time with his friends and family. The reason is he didn't exchange time for money. He created value and exchanged value for money. Ask yourself - Are you exchanging time or value to earn your income?

Too many mouths to feed
As an employee, are we getting paid for the real profit we bring to the organisation? No, before the salary gets deposited in an employee's account, it feeds other people and the employee get the rest of the amount. Most of the profit amount goes

1, Back to the company for future investments
2, As dividends to the share holders
3, Nearly 30% of your salary is taken by the Government in the name of income tax.

As an enterpreneur or self-employed, he gets what he earns. Taxes may not be avoidable though. But how many self-employed men show the real income and pay the entire tax. The only category of people who pay there taxes completely are employees, because the government gets that share before you get paid.

Domestication versus Freewill
As a kid, we spoke, walked and acted on freewill. As an adult, our actions are somehow tied to the response from others. In addition as you become an employee, you get a junk set of papers telling you terms and policies you need to follow. First thing a corporation does to the life of a man is domestication. You learn that you have to work on a strict timeframe, following the approved dress code, handle yourself as directed by your supervisor. Does it look like domestication or act on freewill to you?

Less Control over Life
I live in a crowded city full of strangers and pollution. My grandfathers and great grandfathers come from a different greenish part of the country. I like to stay in a calm place full of nature. Yet the industry I work thrive in cities. The city I live, the house I choose, the schools my children could go, the neighbours are all completely tied to my employer. As an employee, can you choose the place you like to live? You can't go to a night club, a late night movie, wake up at noon, just hangover with friends doing nothing .. all because you got to go back to office early tomorrow. Do you believe someone else having control over your life looks better than you being the master of your life?

More you earn, more you lose
Corporations have turned numerous normal looking men into dangerous workalholics. Sure there are workaholic self-employed and businessmen, but they get extra when they create extra value. But what does an employee get? Sometimes just a pat from his supervisor or a appreciation note. In the process of getting this, how many have lost contact with their family, got divorced or turn back and see they got no family and friends at one point of time. in case, he gets promoted, the corporate world will put more responsiblity and keep you stay at office more. And the Governement will automatically promote you to the next tax bracket and pick pocket more of your hard earned money.

As always, different paths have their merits and demerits. Being an enterpreneur or being an employee depends on ones likes, dislikes and goals. I believe in enterpreneurship ... what do you believe in ... leave your comments.

If you favor enterprenuership, you may like to read one of my favorite books by Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money--That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!

With luv,
Ashok.

Cultivate Failure Memory Loss

Hi ... The topic sounds really as though I vote for memory loss. Of course that is true ...

But i do say failure memory loss ...

Most of us are what our experiences has thought us till now. No matter whether you are sixty or sixteen, how you think, respond, it all comes from the experiences you had. Some experiences brought you happiness, made you fly, some brought tears and some shook your knees. We remember most of these unique and emotional successes and failures.

Its good that our memory doesn't store each and every details. For example, What color pant did you wear 3 months 3 days before today ... wow ! the man who can answer this question must be a genius ... If you are that man, real hats off for you. What makes the details of our daily routine fade from our memory and disinguisable happenings stay evergreen? Its mostly because, we bring it for review most often and the happenings are very unique by themselves.Mostly its because we review them more often, they get into our memory and impact my decision making from then on. So we either have experience of succeeding in something or failing in something. An event to stay in your mind evergreen, it should be unique and must have some emotional value.

Bad Memories are DeadWeights

Lets say you had a very bad experience, trying to talk to a girl for the first time in your high school. You made a bad start which ended up in an embarassing situation and the whole school started making fun of you for the rest of the year.what has this experience taught you ? "Dont talk to a girl. You are not good at it". For the rest of your life you are totally going to ignore 50% of the population, I mean the girls. Isn't it a very drastic thing to do. If not so, if you keep this experience dangling before your eyes, you enter college, would you try speaking to a girl, when your previous year experience has taught you not to try the same. That's what happens in most of our lives. Everytime we come up to creating opportunities, new relationships, we refer to our failures and lose almost 80% chance of succeeding.

What is "failure memory loss". It means "Forget all failures you faced in your life. Take a decision to forget". Fill your memory with moments of Joy, Success and Happiness. You need to remind your mind of those moments every now and them and generate the feeling of a successful person. Feeling successful is one essential component of attaining success in whatever we do.

Take Action:

Take a sheet of paper and start writing down all your acheivements - your graduation from college, winning a good friendship, an award, taking up a new responsibility, solving a problem. How little it may look, do it and read it every day before you start your day as America's Success Coach Jack Canfield writes in his wonderful Book The Success Principles(TM): How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

So start to erase your bad memories which act as a deadweight and keep you away from moving forward. Instead choose to focus on your strengths and acheivements. Read your own acheivements and stay an acheiver.You dont have to look at acheivements of others to get inspired. It says, something is possible and you can try it. But read your acheivements, which says, you have done this, so you can do that.

Cultivate this habit of failure memory loss and hold tight to your successful memories. One who feels successful can only repeat Success.



with luv,
Ashok.

Open yourself to Responsibility

If there is one single attitude that could transform the life of an individual, its the attitude of openness and courage to take up responsibilities in life ...

Here is a simple question.
Who earns more? A CEO or a janitor
Who is more responsible for success of the company? A CEO or a janitor.

who is famous? A king or a soldier
Who holds a very responsible position? A king or a soldier

Its a very direct answer. Its the CEO and the king, the individuals who choose to take responsibilities with courage. Money and fame comes to men and women who have the courage to say "Yes" to responsibility.

Openness to responsibility is one single attitude that could open doors for new opportunities, career growth, engaged mind power, more fame and money. With our same skill, intelligence and experience, we can reach great heights by making this as a habit.

You probably know this is good, but only few engage themselves consiously. Lets explore why many others stay back.

Social Conditioning: As kids, we dont know what is impossible and our dreams had no limitations. As we grow, we learn a lot of "this can't be done, its impossible" from our family, friends and neighbors. As an adult we hear "you can't do it. Don't try and hurt yourself". As a normal human being, we are supposed to be excited about new opportunities and responsibilities, but our social conditioning has made us react with fear and pessimism. Mingle with optimists and you will learn what can be done.

Doing Mistakes is sin: We are all humans and humans are prone to err. Could you expect not to fall down once, as we learn to ride a bike?. Not at all possible. We do fall down, but we jump back because we are excited in learning. We dont fear the criticism. But as an adult, we try to create an image of ourselves doing everything perfectly. This is a constant demotivator to learning or trying any new opportunity/ responsibility. Doing mistakes is an acceptable part of learning and we need to accept it.

Lose Touch with Friends: Lets say you were part of your project team and suddenly the General Manager choose you to lead the same team. Things will start changing. Collegues who have been sharing all those "this company sucks, those two collegues share some intimate relationships", may find it hard to maintain the same level of relationship. you actually may lose lots of those friends. At the sametime, you will be gaining access to a new network of leading people. Indeed its emotionally demotivating to lose friends. But its better to find friends who love what you do than deciding to do what your friends like.

So take up responsibilities that are aligned with your purpose and goals with excitement, not fear. Think of life as a roller coaster ride. You can close your eyes to holding any responsible position in family, community and work and say you had a safe landing or you can open your eyes and you enjoy the ups and downs. I prefer the later than mere existence.