Personal Growth for Success

7 Simple Speech Tips

2009-04-25T07:11:00.004+05:30

Dear Friend,

How do you speak to people? Does your speech make them like your or do they feel the other way? Here I try to list down few tips to enhance your relationship through simple speech tips

(1) Before you speak - Some people speak like bursting out balloon. They wont stop at all. They keep speaking, tell everyone everything and later end up in trouble. Before you speak to anyone, think about the person you are going to speak to, what you want to speak about and how to communicate the point better. Being prepared is the best tip. Salesman do it. They practice their pitch hundred times themselves, practice with their collegues and "dropping-by" customers, before they would actually talk to a real customer who wants to buy something. Think yourselves like the professional and prepare your pitch. You have something to get done and you better be prepared how to communicate better and make it easier for the other person to understand and do that for you.

(2) Bring Good News - Take any newspaper, watch any news, you would see psycho killers on run, accident on freeway, gun shots near the pub and so on. Its quite tempting to communicate the flash news. Try to keep an hold on that, tell the good news you have, make people feel better.

(3) While You Listen - Have you come across the person who would never listen to you. You try to get your point across, he breaks in, never allows you to complete your talk and you feel irritated as you leave. You would have experienced this before and so you already know how bad the other person would feel, if you break in while he talks. So seek to understand the other guy first. Listen to understand better, ask questions and validate the information you received. Once the other guy completes, you can talk.

(4) While you speak - Use kind and constructive words. Rather than keep on asking "why did you do that?", ask "how do you plan to avoid this mistake and do better next time?". Your words should trigger for better preformance, not guilty feeling. Contain the anger, frustration you have and let out the content in a calm, relaxed manner.

(5) choose simple words - Because you prepared for TOFEL exam, you should not show your vocabulary with lengthier and almost-forgotten words to give a rich look. Remember "Simplicity is the key to better understanding". So use the simple words and the key is to make sure your point is understood.

(6) Say sorry soon - When you have done something wrong, dont wait. Also dont try to reason with the other person and justify your mistake. Feel sorry and tell the other person that you really feel sorry. Tell him how the mistake happened and what you are going to do so that the same mistake dont happen again.

(7) Congradulate faster - when your collegue gets an appreciation, an award, dont stand at your place and feel "why this guy. why not me". Go, meet him and congradulate. When good things happen to us or we do excellent work, we want others to recognise that. When you recognise his acheivement, you show that person that you are watching him and youcare about him. Its shows that what happens to the other person really matters to you. So dont delay, congradulate at the earliest possible.

Above you, communicate clearly and develop better understanding in relationships.

with luv,
Ashok

The Art of Building Thrust

2009-04-22T09:29:00.005+05:30

Dear Friend,
Thrust is an important ingredient of one's self-coinfidence and strong mutual relationships. Without thrust, the world would be filled with chaos. The whole world works on thrust. Every product/ service from any company/ individual survive on the concept of thrust. Would you buy a brand that you don't thrust. No way, then we do need to accept we thrust lot of people, since we really do buy lots of products from comb to Car and use services from mowing lawns to legal services. If we didn't thrust these people, the world would come to a standstill.

Making and keeping commitments
Leave aside others. Lets think about how you can develop this art of building thrust. In one sentence "Building thrust requires you to make and keep commitments with yourself and mutual relationships". Its well said that "You think who you think you are. But in the eyes of our fellows, your behaviour is who you are". Basically thrust is built gradually. You can't buy thrust. But you can leverage it to make a successful business, flourishing relationships and so on. Thrust is the extend to which we can be believed. So it needs a track record of believness. This is very similiar to the credit system in America. It takes time and self-discipline. You need to intentionally use the credit card and pay the amount as agreed to gain good credit scoring. The same way, you need to intentionally promise/ commit to something and no matter what, you should do it to gain the thrust of others.

There are two levels of thrust you need to attain. First one at the self level. Second is the relationship level.

First Level: Commitments with one Self
Thrusting one self and self-confidence go hand in hand. Lets take the example of Tim, a very energetic guy. He has high self-confidence, proactive and a good person. One day he decides to wake up half-an-hour earlier than before. He makes a commitment to himself to spend that time jogging. First day, he wakes up, his monkey mind finds him an excuse "Tomorrow is an auspicious day. Start tomorrow and go to sleep now". The next day, next day ... it goes on. After an year, what would be his thrust level on himself. Would he be able to make a promise to himself again or would he find himself not thrust-worthy. The latter is what he will believe. His self-confidence will soon start dropping and this will reflect in all other relationships. A person who dont keep his self-commitments carries the same attitude in other relationships.

It is non-sense not to make commitments, because breaking them breaks down your self-confidence and self-image as well. Without making a commitment to use your credit card, your can't build your credit history. The same way, without making self-commitment, your can't build your self-confidence and image. So before making a commitment, check your schedule, find if you really would love and need it. And once you commit to yourself, no matter what, dont break it.

Second Level: Commitments in Relationships
The same law applies in relationships as well. The more commited you and the other person are to the relationship, the more stronger it becomes. More commited refers to keeping up commitments and not taking the relationships for granted. More often, breaking commitments happen in families. Dad could not make it to the school function he promised to attend with his son. He cancelled the family trip he committed to satisfy his last-minute request from his boss. So what pattern do we see here. Breaking the commitments ... breaks the relationship in the long run. The next time you say something, no one will believe you.

Law of making commitments
Since you understood the concept of building thrust through making and breaking commitments, we need to make sure we don't commit to everything.

(1) Make atleast one live commitment in each relationship.
(2) Say NO if you really know that you can't make it.
(3) No matter what, if you have said YES, you do it. Walk your words.
(4) Make it a constant habit to make and keep commitments and track them.

Walk your word. So make sure you think you give your word,
Ashok.

Are you Wealthy

2009-04-21T07:34:00.005+05:30

Dear Friend,
Wealth is a term so closely used to indicate our valuable assets that can be measured in terms of money. Is it true that wealth is nothing but money. Then why the proverb ... "Health is wealth". It's not just money, that makes you real wealthy. Lets explore a little.

Health is Wealth:
This is one of the oldest proverbs from ancient times. Its as true as "the sun rises in the east". You may ask, how come health adds up to wealth. Possibly, because you dont really get to concentrate on generating your wealth, when you are not in good health. Most importantly, if you look at healthcare services, its very expensive and most people cannot afford to take health insurance. Basically if you are in good health, you already have earned yourselves wealth points, avoid funding the hospitals with fees and pills. Keep yourselves fit.

Second, even if you are a millionaire, it doesn't mean you enjoy all the comforts of life. You need to be real healthy to ski, travel around the world, enjoy delicious food. Whether you are a millionaire or not, your sweetness tasting buds will be put to hunger if you are a diabetic. It doesn't matter how much money you have. So remember, you need to be in good shape if you really would like to someday enjoy the comforts your hard-earned money is going to bring you.

A friend in need is a friend in deed
We all know that a wealthies person has the potential to be sorrounded by lots of friends. They are surrounded by lots of people, friends and families, hosting parties and spending weekends in retreats. Most of them would be friends in need. They need something from the dollars you have got. But a real friend is not someone who is attracted towards your money. He is the one who values your friendship, no matter you are a millionaire or a bankrupt. Identify those people. Treat them well. Those are the guys who will prove to be your valuable assets at testing times.

Treat your family like friends and friends like your family

Family First
Other than our own satisfaction, we work to provide our family a comfortable life. A wealthiest person who hates his own family would find it really hard to enjoy his millions. Its very important to treat your family well and your family recognising your efforts is a valuable asset and energizer. Millions of motivational tapes is no match to the support you can get from family and friends.

Financial Success
Most of us consider earning more is wealthy. That's not. Its the difference between your income and your expenses that makes you wealthy. Most of us live on credit. We use the money we dont have and get us in big troubles. We buy our TV, Car, Home on loans and installments. When we have more in debt, its just not the earnings that make us wealthy. Its how much we can save after we close our installments/ EMI. And as Robert Kiyosaki says "Your wealth is determined in terms of time period, not money. Its how long your can float without having to earn anymore money. If what you have in your savings can provide your current lifestyle for next one year, without you having to earn any more dollars, then your are one year wealthy".

Conclusion:
Its not just how much money you make, that determines your wealth. It involves how much you save and spend, your lifestyle, your health, your valuable friends and family members ...

With luv,
Ashok.

17 Good Habits

2009-04-18T07:36:00.004+05:30

Dear Friend,

I was thinking over the next topic and it suddenly struck me that I have been writing about good and bad and I haven't given you a list of possible good habits to consider. So here is the list .. Read it.

1, Early to bed and Early to Rise
2, Enjoy nutritous Breakfast
3, Exercise daily
4, Use the Stairs
5, Use money wisely and invest more.
6, Do it now and don't procrastinate
7, Ask Experts when in doubt
8, Read Regularly. Listen to motivational tapes.
9, Invest time in Hobbies
10, Spend qualiy time with your family
11, Keep up your commitments
12, Plan your next day ahead. Visualise it.
13, Reduce your TV time
14, Look into the eye when you speak to people
15, Listen to understand
16, Be curious to learn more
17, Volunteer to help.

Comment to add more ...

with luv,
Ashok.

Man and the Monkey Mind

2009-04-16T06:22:00.003+05:30

Hi Friends,

I hope you are fine. Today is the third successful day, I consequently woke up on the pre-set time. Its a huge success for me considering it took 225 failures to finally reach a point, where I wake up with interest and enthusiasm. I am going to put this in my Victory Log.

As I think of my success over my mind in cultivating the real interest to wake up early morning, I see all of us at any moment of life are (1) Either in control of the mind or (2) The Mind is in complete control of us.

Mind in control

"Thoughts make things" as Napolean Hill says, we become our dominant thoughts. Everyone of us have heard this once in our life "Mind is like a monkey. Just like how monkeys jump from one tree to another, our mind wanders from one thing to another". When mind is in control, we lose consicous validation of our thoughts, which is what happens in completely drunk moments. The mind has our best interests in mind. It finds excuses why we should go back to sleep rather than getting up early in the morning, why we should not go to business at this time, what are the benefits of postponing some activity and so on. Mind targets for pleasures of life.

With its only agenda to seek pleasure in life, our mind if not controlled, could derail us from acheiving our goals. Its like a lunatic, who has no control over his mind. He doesn't have any goal. A lunatic wanders and for some reason we dont know what the lunatic really wants. The same applies to mind. Uncontrolled mind is like a storm, which leads to uncontrolled destruction of one's own life

We in charge of our Mind

If we look back in life, all great results are acheived when we were in control of our life. Everytime something had to be done, mind would seek pleasure telling us how to relax and avoid doing the activity. Its during these times, when we have exercised our control, we get things done and acheive success. Its the times, when we control our mind, make little sacrifices of the pleasures, we would be able to acheive worthy success in life.

Consider Mahatma Gandhi. Considering the beatings he got from the British, how easy it would have been for him to hit back. Its his purpose in control of his mind, that kept him focusssed on non-violence. The world remembers great leaders like Gandhi, Lincoln, Kennedy because they exercised control over their minds.

How to win our mind

In long term, its not a good idea to work aganist our mind. Sooner or later, this resitance would break up and take us to our old ways. This is what happened to my goal to get up early morning. 225 days of continuous failure before I acheived considerable control over my wake up time. When we have a purpose or goal in our life, we need to make sure that our powerful mind understands it and pledge to make it happen for you. There is a wonderful technique proved in scientific community that works wonders in one's life. Its the method of Auto-Suggestion.

Auto-Suggestion is the technique of repeating certain phrases over and over again, letting the mind sink on it. If you want to get up early, you could auto-suggest "I am getting up at 5 am everyday" several times as you go to sleep. This would tune up the subconsious mind not to say "how good it would feel to go back under the blanket". But when there is no purpose in getting up earlier, our mind could generate excuses. So a little modification to it "I am getting up at 5 am everyday and writing articles in my blogspot". This gives me a purpose why to get up early. A final powerful version is to add up why we want to do it "I am getting up early at 5 am everyday and writing articles in my blogspot so that i can effectively share with millions of potential readers". And most importantly as you repeat the words again and again, imagine and feel it happening. Emotions bring tremendrous power.

Keep your mind informed and tuned up towards your goals and you would require very little control to acheive them.

with luv,
Ashok.

Is Life this simple

2009-04-15T07:25:00.003+05:30

Who are you?

Your life is a conflict between your inner desires and outer world achievements. It is the gap between inner life and outer life, between what you want and what you have. In another way, it’s about what you want to do and what you actually do.

What is Inner Life?

Inner Life is the emotional collection of your desires, goals, wants and ambitions. This is what you think most of the time. It could be “finding a dream job, finding a good partner in life, becoming rich etc.” Most of us rate our life based on our thoughts. When we think of being kind to someone else, we believe that we are already kind. We believe on what we think, which doesn’t have to be the reality. We have a bunch of hidden agendas, fears, limitations that we don’t want the real world to see in us. There are lots more going inside our mind that just hiding our minuses and projecting our pluses.

What is outer Life?

Outer Life is what you actually have, do and behave. In this reality of life, people believe you are kind only when you have demonstrated your kindness in previous behavior. In outer life, it takes time to build thrust, achieving dreams, ambitions, overcoming fears and so on. We are rated based on our behavior and not on our own thoughts. Our track record proves to be the key in real life.

Life is the conflict between these two lives:

We rate ourselves based on our thoughts. When we think we are trustworthy, we believe we are. In outer life, you need to prove from time to time to get an image of a trustworthy person. You can’t just think of being trustworthy and get the image. You need to score good marks to be ranked higher; you need to show results to get promoted. If idea is inner life, idea in motion is outer life. This is this conflict that makes life move as well as tear us apart.

Who are we?

We are the souls in motion of fixing the gap between our inner life and outer life. When there is a gap between what we have and what we want, we dream about it, lay plans and try to achieve it … which we call us life. So Life is all about this gap between dreams and reality. I am not talking about day dreams. When we are very serious about some specific dream, we produce a goal and this produces a gap between outer life and inner life and we spend our whole life trying to fill the gap through our actions. We try to re-create our inner life into our outer life. The more clarity you have about your inner life, it’s easier to achieve it in reality. Go paint your life filling the gaps.

With luv,
Ashok.

Happiness is the key to Success

2009-04-05T20:37:00.004+05:30

Unleash the secret to true happiness

Hi Friends, let me start with a superb quote by Albert Schweitzer: "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful".

That is absolutely correct. If you do what you love, you will be truly happy. Happiness comes from the inner heart. It is a wonderful feeling of existence and comes from inside. True happiness spreads all over your body, all part of your body are in sync and enjoy the moment to the greatest extend. If it comes from buying a new car, winning a challenging game, becoming an American Idol, perfect but we are not going to talk about any of these. We dont discuss on any materialistic goals. Its comes from acheiving, takes in lot of effort to acheive a goal. I am yet to see a man who can afford a car and happy to have brought it. He who can buy a car get happiness from buying an aeroplane. Materalistic goals always push you forward, needs lot of effort and time and the happiness they bring is really true, but lasts for a short time.

How many hours were you happy when you brought your new car, a new home ... I could say not more than a week. But how many years did you struggle, did a lot of savings, put your patience to test. In one sentence, how many years were you sad you haven't acheived it yet. I dont want to talk about something that takes all your years and brings you a short breeze in your life.

Bringing you back to the ideal world of lasting happiness, everyone gives more than they consume. Everyone welcomes everyone. Ideal world is not practical. But we can find a way to be completely happy from head to toe, with very less effort and acheive happiness instantly.

The secret to help people. It could be your co-worker, neighbour, a stranger. It doesn't matter. I have come across as a really happy smiling face to my office, whenever I got a chance to do a simple help. It could be guilding a stranger to my city to find an address, telling him the nearest hotel to check in, guiding my co-worker to enhance his skills, cooking for my family in a weekend. A few effortless help and I feel tremendrously happy for the rest of the day.

Even when we talk about Bill Gates who made it well financially, its his contribution that "software has become feasible for normal men" that made him powerful man. His contributes lot of these successful money to charity work.

Quote on happiness
(1) There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are always attained by giving them to someone else. - Peyton Conway March:

(2)When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. - The Dalai Lama

(3)Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. - Albert Schweitzer:

Two ways to bring in happiness

Materialistic - Bringing happiness from outside. Stays for a few moments, but you need to put in enourmous amount of effort, time and patience. A true example is excessive shopping - shopping malls are considered as happy malls by most youth.
From the inside - Instant happiness and effortless. works for everyone irrespective of who you are ... could be richer than i can imagine, could be working for your next meal.

what is the condition - do it voluntarily, make sure you dont put lot of effort or time, reach out to people well below your level - could be economical, educational. Happiness is a feeling - Feeling come from how we respond/ react the outside. But they really come from inside. I want to share with you an actual incident quoted in "The success principles" by Jack Canfield. Thanks to Jack Canfield for his amazing book. An amazing incident in a freeway - see that situations (outside) is the same and inside is different.

Simple ways to help -
Write an article on something you know, that people would like to know - "like best shopping malls, hotels, movies" in your city - there are lots of websites where you can share your reviews. Sharing your review on a product is the best free help you can do. explain with kind words and patience on what you want to your son or wife. help people understand, not to defend spread kind words, because they inspire the listener to use the same. Use harsh words and the listener will have to use the same to unwind the feeling you caused him help by answering to yahoo answers or so in website on your field ... help those below you gain the information you can provide in seconds. Do a monitor check on whether you bring happiness or sadness to the environment you are in ... Always try to improve the environment, make your actions align to bringing harmony to the environment.

With luv,
Ashok.

Money can buy HealthCare, not Health

2009-04-05T20:22:00.004+05:30

Hi Friends, "Health is wealth" is a proverb everyone in the universe knows, heard lot of times in his life. But yet many of us have failed to take good care of it. Today lets explore little bit on some practical ways to keep ourselves fit.

We have heard this proverb many many times in our life. Yet why many of us has to strive hard aganist our health day in and day out. There are probably lot of reasons behind this. We shall explore a few that top our list.

(1)I am working too hard for my family. We need to pay our credit card bills, mortgage, save money for sons college fees not to forget our retirement plans.

(2)I need to relax - Yes we all need to relax. We work hard, spend most of our time working for someone. Is it reallly a sin to smoke a pack of cigarette and end my day with few glasses of alchohol.

(3)I wanna socialise with people - For young kids out at schools and colleges, most of them start off their day with one theme in mind "I wanna look cool". Doesn't me appearing in all parties, taking in few drinks, smoking drugs make me appear cool. who would like to hang with a bookworm anyway?

(4)I skip breakfast - This is probably the latest of all health related issues. With less and less time, we are always need at two places at one time. When given an option to sleep 30 more minutes or prepare a healthy breakfast, most of us continue to choose the former. Just like "Apple a day keeps doctor away", we need to change it to "A breakfast a day keeps doctors away".

(5)I love TV and my couch - Do you know the basic needs of a human being - its not just food, shelter and clothes. Adding to it, TV is another basic need. We can add couch as the fifth basic need. I have had lot of trouble as a school kid having to justify my TV timings with my mom. But now I hate TV and I am one who says "Family, its time to switch off your TV".

(6)I dont have time to exercise - This is the best excuse of all and a valid one if you look at it. By the way who has time to read a newspaper, have a relaxed cup of coffee. Most people dont have enough time and patience to do exercises, whether jogging, hitting a gym etc,.

I have a suggestion - when you go to any office, always hit the stairs. Tell yourself, "Lift is not yet invented and its what i may use in my old age". As you wake up everyday, just spend atleast five minutes streching your muscles. dont have to do push ups, just do some streching exercises.

Why?

(1) As we get old: Whether you like it or not, just like the law of gravity, we have law of aging. We all are going to grow old no matter what. And if you are using a lift now, you will end up in a wheel chair when you grow old. If you are the one using the stairs, you may grow up walking to a lift. Got my point.

(2) To socialise : No one likes to hang with a unhealthy person. He can't come out with you. He always complains of his health. Would you hang out with someone like that. As you are young, you will be having lot of friends, probably because you move to various places and meet new people. As you grow old and restrict yourself due to health, you may end up all alone between four walls.

(3) To enjoy your wealth: If you have plans to become a millionaire or a rich person than you are now ... I understand that most of us have that kind of financial goal ... do you intend to eat like a homeless when you have all the money in the world.

(4) Prevention is better than cure : You can buy health care, but not health. What is health care - probably a bunch of chemicals wrapped up as capsules, liquid bottles or in syringes. Would you like to live a life. And please note, health care is a treatment act, not a prevention act.

Our body is specially designed and we have the intelligence to fastly adapt to our environment. Its as simple as a bicycle if you look overall - two kidney, heart, brain, muscles and bones covered by skin. Its that it. If you look in depth, the design will perplex you like the aeroplane design, lot of nerver running to pass and receive communication signals, eyes that process video and send in signals of different format to the brain etc,.

Its just like our new car. If you pour in some kerosene to even the finest car in the world, i bet it wont last few months. Just like that our health depends on what we feed our body. Either food, air anything we feed our body. Its not possible to reverse the affects you have made to your health. But you can gain hold on it and keep it fit or could get you more fit.

With luv,
Ashok.

Do It Now - the Action Habit

2009-04-05T19:18:00.004+05:30

Hi Friends -

"Do It Now" is the perfect stimulator to most of us who find it extremely difficult to trim our to-do list. Here let us explore for few basic obstacles to taking action.

(1) Analysis - Paralysis Cycle

If you look at the automobile industry, you could see years of planning, analysing and research before a new model hits the market. And remember satellites and military equipments. They are tested, re-tested for quality and precision. No one wants an aeroplane that will land 99 times successful and crash once. Perfection and analysis are most important ingredients in the success of the scientific, aerodynamic and military. But does our daily activities really need this kind of perfection. Definitely NOT. All its needs it "Act Now".

Remember Microsoft products. We can rarely see a non-microsoft product. If Bill Gates were to wait till he resolved all the bugs in it, he would have never lauched it on time to capture the huge market. Even i-phones don't have everything to please every user.

So remember, even days and days of research is not required for us to do most of our activities. Don't fall for the pitfall of analysing, analysing and still analysing ... Come out of it and take action that materialises your goal.

(2) Waiting for a Sign

You can't wait for a sign of success to launch your dreams. You may not believe this. There are many of us out there who may initially resist, but eventually give-in to the marketing techniques of those "luck bringing products". From the diamonds, laughing buddha and precious stones ... we all grave for some kind of external stimulus to come up in life. Dont wait for an external stimuli, just act on your guts and feelings.

(3) Fire - Adjust - Fire

This is an age of wars. Flashing news scrolls details attacks here and there. If every bullet fired so far in world history where to find its target, we wont have anyone left. When you act towards your goal, you may miss. Find out its missing link, aim again ... adjust everytime and you will definitely reach.

(4) Idea never materialises itself

The latest buzz word has been "law of attraction" and placebo effect. According to law of attraction, We eventually get what we visualise most of the time. If you visualise your dream home, you will eventually attract it in your life. But neither meditation and visualisation can make your dreams come true. They can merely make you stay tuned to your goals. Unless you take some action, you can't see your idea or goal materialise. In a materialistic world, you have to act to create something.

(5) Unless you take first step, you will never know

Unless you take you first step, you wont even know what obstacles you will face. When I thought of writing articles, I always was in the impression that "only creating the write contents" is the difficult stuff. But as i started writing, ideas flew one after another. I had more topics I couldn't find time to write them all. But I realised after that first step, that getting the articles to readers is the difficult task. I use onlywire, articlepostrobot and so forth and working more on it. After all what good can an article do, if it can't reach any readers. Take the first step, then you will find what you believed as the toughest will smoothly melt before you and show you the real difficulties.

With luv,
Ashok.

Simple Tips to boost Self-Confidence

2009-04-05T19:03:00.003+05:30

Self-confidence varies from activity to activity. The main two ingredients of self-confidence are clarity of purpose,
plans and actions, then a fall-back plan at different stages. Self-confidence can be grown or dimished. Its a feeling.

Lets explore some ways to boost self-confidence
Some quick ways:

(1) Groom to Success:

A most easy to do, but least considered. In the first few seconds of meeting someone, the initial impression of who we are is already made. Its stronger and wiser to use it to our benefit. Groom yourself well even at home. When you look
at yourself in the mirror, you should be able to draw inspiration from the way you dress. A CEO gets treated like a CEO, because he dress like a CEO. How others respond to us has some strange effect on our confidence level. So make it easy for others to boost your confidence.

(2) Body Language

If you ever notice yourself, you walk upright, shoulders broad, hands on full swing and chin up when we are very confident. How does our body behave when we feel let down ? We walk like a cloth in the hanger being driven by wind. Scientists have
studied and found that we can fake a confident body language and our mind will believe we are confident. So to regain your confidence, just do like a confident guy -
- walk upright with chin up
- Stand straight and speak confident.

(3) Make it a habit to speak up

From classroom to classroom, schools have taught a bad behavior "Keep quiet". And as we grow from kids to adults, we still keep quiet in board meetings. When our turn comes, we simpley give a "everything is ok" smile and try our best not to be on the limelight. Everytime you do this, your confident levels drop down. When your collegue present an idea in team meeting, atleast give a simple comment "sounds good, nice idea" etc,. If you dont respond in a meeting, its like a great insult to the speaker. Sure, you will feel when its your turn. so make it a habit to be a contributor

(4) Take the first row

Its normally the kids who do in classrooms. The last few benches get filled up faster. The teacher has to request some kids to come forward and fill the first few rows. Dimishing fear is an important part of building confidence. Whenever you go to
church, attend class room sessions, take the first row. If first row is filled, take the second row. Believe me, this will build your confidence.

(5) Respect Successful People

To be successful, you need to acknowlege the successful men and women in history. Read more about them. Books are available in the form of autobiographies and self-help books. The more you learn about these people, the more you will understand that "Success is a simple concept. If so many can do it, then why can't I?". Learn from them and you will soon get the confidence to join these men in history.

with luv,
Ashok.

Built up your self-confidence

2009-04-05T18:18:00.004+05:30

Self-confidence is a quiteessential quality of successful people. As the word says, self-confidence is built within one self, forming an unquestionable inner belief over ones own thoughts, actions and decisions. Day by day, self-confidence could grow or dimish. Its in ones own hands, lies the clue to gain or lose confidence.

A reflection of the past

Our society is totally result-oriented. One is successful, when his attempts yield successful results. Every human being is conditioned to this kind of thinking. Atleast when you try a task, the mind focus on putting you in a state of comfort and ease. It search for the last time you did the same task last. When it retrieves a failure sensation, your confidence breaks down. When it holds the image of the task well done, your confidence reach rocket high.

Second, confidence is dynamic. An expert in accounting, could be a total disaster in dating. This individual beams irrestible confidence when you bring numbers to the table. But what if you talk about women. His mouth goes shut. Lack of confidence comes from lack of experience or simply not trying.

So failed attempts and completely new idea brings in deep cut on your confidence level. Lets discuss few techniques that work to boost our confidence.

Clues of Confidence

(1)Act As If - Confident person works as if he knows for sure, his attempt is gonna be successful.
(2)Ask - They immediately ask for experts to advise when they are in unexpected situations.
(3)Clarity - They are very clear about the idea. They can explain in detail about their actions and plans.
(4)Precaution - They take all precautionary measures to ensure sure success.
(5)Learn More and More - The more you know, more your confidence will grow.
(6)Victory Log - Use your previous success to gain confidence

(1) Act as if

Believe in Success. When the right things are done at right time in the right order, success pops up like a miracle. Successful people treat being successful as a science. Unsuccessful people see success or failure as pure luck. First of all, know clearly what you mean by success. Believe in your own mind that you have already acheived. You will get unconditional support from yourself to make it true. Scientists believe subconsious mind tends to work faster to fill the gap between your dreams and reality. So what you believe in has already happened, there is no question of lack of confidence.

(2) Ask

Everything in life, from making a small tent house to building a submarine, its been already done. Most of what you want to acheive is already available in the form of books and expert advise. You want to start a business, there are millions of people already doing it. Thousands of books telling the do's and dont's are already published. Believe that your cause is worthy and remember there are people out there to help. You are not alone. Feel this truth and your confidence will boost twice. Be open to receive the support of others.

(3) Clarity

Know what you want clearly. Write it down as precisely as possible. Bring in all particulars of a successful result. Rehearse in your own mind various steps and see how it works out. Thorough knowledge of your goals, action plans and end result brings in clarity.

(4) Precaution

Know what you know and what you dont know. Find out how you can delegate to the right person to complete what you dont know. Use your creativity to understand various scenarios wherein, something could go wrong. Insulate from failure, by taking all precautionary measures. Taking insurance, having plan B, having an advisor panel are good examples of precautionary measures. Get the peace of mind to concentrate on growth.

(5) Learn More and More

The more you learn and understand, the more confident you will be. whatever your field of expertise is, learn more and more about it. Just knowledge wont work in today's world. You need to have guts to make decisions and to make right decisions, you need to be an expert or you need the guidance of an expert. Expertise in any field is very much in demand. The world needs more experts. More you know about something, the more confident you will become.

(6) Victory Log

Do you remember telling your friends ... this is supposed to happen to me ... i am not surprised. bad things always happen to me. i am the least luckiest person in the world. Actually, when we say something like that we are actually recalling the previous failures, tunes our mind and soul to more failures of the same kind. Like birds of same feather flock together, failures will keep coming up and you dont know why. Finally you call it bad luck. Start focussing on successes you had in your life. Take a sheet of paper and write down your best days, successes. Read it everyday and remember as you as a successful person. You will surely attract more success.

Confident men think and do what is right. So act on what you feel is right thing to do. Zoom on to your confident side .. and let the attitude of inaction fade out.

Little Lies make our life easier

2009-02-04T23:45:00.010+05:30

Lies play a major role in our survival and welfare. It sounds nothing close to truth, but in fact we use lot of lies in our day to day life and successfully avoid a quarrel, fist fight and particularly a bad day. Lets take for an example, is your girl dumb enough when you say "I won't drink in todays mens party".

But in fact, little lies like "You are the most beautiful woman in the whole world" makes the life spicy and softer. My close friend used a superb phrase on his girlfriend's birthday. He said "Do you know apples all over the world were all pale white". Out of curiosity, she asked "really, how did they turn red?". He said "this amazing miracle happened on your birthday 22 years back. They saw you, the beautiful gorgeous angel come to this world and those pale little apples grew jealous and turned red". A well crafted lie indeed, but he made the day for her.

when do lies work in a constructive manner:

(1) Telling a story:
Is there any non fiction books that follow the protocols of reality. Imagination or whatever, yet lies are lies and they make us feel lighter, ease away our worries and feel relaxed for that time. Why forget movies. Actor Arnold in the climax of commando, fires and kills several thousands of men. They do fire at him, but not one single bullet could get him. I enjoyed the movie. Everyone knows what reality is. But those lies make us feel powerful. Didn't you feel amazingly confident, sparky and ready to fight anyone, when you come out of those out of reality action movies.

(2) Sweeping off the feat:
I already told you how my friend made it a day for his girlfriend with his apple story. I love the movie Hitch for the showing how tricky is it to let your real you sleeping when you fall in love. And remember when we are in love, we tell the most number of lies. We want to pretend to the guy/ girl our partner likes, rather than who we are. We say lot of "I can't live without you, honeys". Are you sure, you are still with them ... if not,then you must be dead now. Little lies made your days spicer and it was good for us to say and hear, isn't it.

(3) To the kids:
We all know there is no Santa Claus. We entertain the kids each year saying "Santa claus will bring you what you like to get this year". Not just that, we also tell lot of our own stories to our kids, spicing up with superman kind of heroism. All these do no bad and kids do like them.

(4) I am late because:
The very most used lie "I am late because the bus came late". My most used lie "The foods were served late in college mess" whenever i go late to college. At school, college, work and at home, we tell lot of little lies to keep out life go smoother. What would happen if you tell the truth "Honey, your friend looks gorgeous than you", "Sir, I didn't take leave for my friends funeral, I actually went to superbowl".

Its very evident that most of us like little lies. We want to be appreciated and recognised even when we have done a very bad job. And when we do get appreciation, we want to feel that is true.

Unless the lie hurts someone, its a great asset for a fantastic life. Leave your comments for me. By the way, I dont mind if you put a little comment "Ashok, this is a nice article". Little lies, spicy life ha.

With luv,
Ashok.

who do you ask - a friend or an expert

2009-02-04T13:22:00.008+05:30

The major problem in solving a problem is to stick with those people who haven't solved the problem themselves.

Lets start with "Are you a speaker or doer ..."

This can be better explained like "are you just a philosopher or a role model".
What is the difference ...

Actually I am a philospher in most of what i talk about in my blogs. I dont get time to try out what i express in my articles. What i feel right, I express those as ideas. Some may work, some may not work. But I leave these crispy feel of life as articles and let the reader decide whether to swallow or dump it.

Lets take the case of Mahatma Gandhi. He is not a philosoper. He is a doer and role model. He said "Tell the truth all the time, no matter what", and he did it. He lived as a role model to non-violence. Many times, he was beaten by cops in freedom struggle and he never even tried to hit them once. That's called living out and being a role model.

who would you contact when you have to make a life turning decision ... to the philosopher or a role model.

Lets take a simple example. I talked to two people about marketing my friends real estate website in india. My friend almost convinced me that FM Radio is the best choice. Its decently priced and most people will be hearing it all time and will make a big successful campaign. then i met a branding guy, who runs marketing top most companies for almost eight years. He laughed first and then told me what my friend missed to understand. 60 to 70 percent of those who hear FM radio in india are teenagers and he asked me "what, your friend is trying to sell properties to teenagers?. I got the point. Its completely easy to take the opinions of others for good, but you got to know from whom you are taking the advice from.

who you contact decides your destiny?
Simple, you want to start a new business. If you contact someone who has tried it and went bankrupt, what can you learn from him ... a feel of disappoinment, the knowledge and fear of driving the business to bankrupty. What if you connect to someone running the business successfully? You will understand tricks of a successfull business.

Your destiny depends on whom you ask for advice. The major problem in solving a problem is to stick with those people who haven't solved the problem themselves. Find out who solved it and get the solution. Life is as easy as it is.

What can you do about it ...
Dont tell me that you dont have a problem. Everybody has a simple problem of theirs. Working in a dull job, not able to continue education, love of their life. There is always something missing in your life, that drains your time every day. Start by writing down the list. Find out who has solved it before. If you cannot, you can always contact the experts. They are in every areas of life from cooking to divorce. Google them, reach out to them and acheive it.

Contact those who have solved the problem themselves ... dont waste your time.

With luv,
Ashok.

Are you alive or dead

2009-02-04T12:56:00.010+05:30

Life is very boring if you follow protocols. Life is productive but not interesting if you follow a routine. Life is a standstill if you dont speak to living beings

An uneasy question ofcourse. This question strikes me after I watched the movie "the secret of success" by michael J.Fox. Its a movie released in 1987. By that time, I was a kid and kids are not allowed to watch PG-13 movies.

Anyway, the guy is so lively all over the movie. He lives on each moment. He speaks out loud, he makes hard decisions in split seconds, what he did was totally out of box to a book smart. Thats when i really got this question, which i took as the topic of this new article.

Liveness and its core symptons:
A lively person is one who radiates so much of positive energy, that you can sense just by being near him. a lively person attracts our attention faster, does activities with ease that we would feel very thrilled to do indeed. He speaks with positive emotion, creates a environment to enjoy the humor in day to day life. When you see him, your heart longs to live his life. He lives in the present. The past and future doesn't exist for him.

Lively person will greet you like he knows you for a long long time
and makes it easy for you to converse with him.

Is it so difficult to be lively?
I have a personal comment on my livelienss. I prefer to say "I am a dull person". Meanwhile, I often switch to liveliness, when i get motivated by seeing lively people. This is something like electro magnet. Just the passing of current, makes the iron rod get magnetic power stay in it for few moments. Possibly, When I was writing this, I am overescatic about being lively. Its difficult to be lively ... and the reason is :

We are all sucked up in a boring routine life ...
Does it sound wierd to you ... think of the last time you wanted to get off the bed happily. If it was too long, then you are living a boring life. After all living each of your present moments is something like a gift to yourself and others. The least thing i would want is a dull person in my sight. It makes me dull, by the way.

Cultivating liveness in your life is the major motto ... then how to ?
Liveliness is ofcourse mostly happiness. And it means taking the sad part lightly. Make your light, feel light, walk light. First of all, stop walking, talking like a stiff person, whose spinal cord looks like a straight road. Quit doing so if you are. Use lively wordings.If you work in corporate world, don't send out emails or have conference calls with very limited formal wordings. Make it lively. Work, work, work isn't lively. I can tell you that when you dont spend lot of time with living beings, you are going to become dull. I am a software engineer and i spent more time with computer solving the issues of other corporation. I use this as an excuse to not being lively all time and its true to some extent. So go meet people. Understand that you are a living being and don't get stuck with those non living papers and machines. Use wording with knack. This is what lively people do and get humor out of a tense filled situation.

Find a companion:
It could be your parents, a girlfriend/ boyfriend or even be your pet. Pets are great companions. During my school days, I used to wake up early in the morning, burning my eyes over huge books during exam times. Do you know who was my companion. My Basi. Yes that's her name and she is a white little cute cat. She would scratch the window doors by 5 am in the morning, wakes me up from bed. I open the window, she will play with a little plastic ball. After 10 minutes she would be half sleep on my lap. Everyone else will be sleeping at that time and she was the only companion during my exam days and I dedicate some of my academic success to her. She is no more now, but she comes to life in our unforgettable moments. So go get a cat or dog. They are good companions. You will know how to live.

The most important stuff is to create a refreshing mood in you ... every now and then ...
Life is very boring if you follow protocols. Life is productive but not interesting if you follow a routine. Life is a standstill if you dont speak to living beings. So do something new like:

1, Surprise your friend with a surprise party ..
2, Take a different route to office/ school once every week
3, switch coffee shops once every month.
4, Arrange for blind dates
5, Do something crazy or new ...

See, liveliness during your routine life comes from indulging in out of box, non-routine life. So do it and live the life to the fullest ... that would be living your present.

Got It .. Now I got to go and live my life to the fullest ... bye bye
.. take care ... remember,live to the fullest ...

with luv ...
Ashok.

Source of Insipiration for this article: : The Secret of My Success

Nine Basic Tips for a Happy Married Life

2009-01-24T11:52:00.006+05:30

Hi Friends,

Divorce Rates in America keeps shooting up. 50% of married couples seperate as per the current statistics. The reason could vary from "i dont like you" to "He/she cheated on me". Despite this fact, you can keep your marriage stable and healthy, if you follow there nine simple tips of happy married life.

(1) Agree to Disagree - Every person is unique in his tastes, view points, likes, way of speech, handling people etc,. We all come from a different families and had different experiences. So understand the fact that we love each other because of our uniqueness.

(2) Never let one harsh word break your solid marriage - Anger blinds us, makes us do things we would normally fear to imagine. Temporary Anger has been the reason behind many murders and incidents of crime. Anger may be temporary, but the impact of it sometime cause permanent damage. So dont let your temporary variation in moods let you make a permanent damage to your marriage.

(3) Shower love often: I would say whenever possible say "I love you". There is nothing as simple and powerful as a simple "I love you". When you say, never just say that. Feel it and mean it.

(4) Never quarrel in Bed: Dont start a fight in bed. Assign a specific place to talk and sort out any issues. Make it a habit not to go to bed with pending issues. Never discuss on it in bed. Treat bed like a holy place. When you get there, only love should persist.

(5) Have dinner together: Having a breakfast, lunch together could not make a big difference because we would still be bound to office timings, some office work bothering us or we are to rush back. Dinner is the only time, where you have all the time in the world to share about your day. So try to have as many dinners together as possible.

(6) Listen most of the time: Communication is the key to a successful marriage. Understand your partner to the most possible extend. When we are in love, its usual to be very attentive and loving. Once married, many of us take our partner for granted. Dont guess your partner's needs. Discuss and get clarity. Treat this like a client meeting. Show interest in the life of each other.

(7) Stay Fit and healthy: During our teenage,we give importance to our looks. After marriage, we eat junk foods and totally become junk. Keep yourself fit. Stay attractive even at 40.

(8) Watch romantic movies together: Atleast once in a weekend, spend the night watching a romantic movie together. You can watch those action movies with your friends.

(9) Give surprises: Plan surprise gifts, parties, candle light dinners etc,. Keep your married life lively. Dont let your partner feel that the thrill of married life is over.

Recommended Source:
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex

with luv,
Ashok.

Five Reasons to NOT be employed

2009-01-14T21:30:00.006+05:30

"Go to school, get good grades and find a high paying job" tops the list of guidance we get from parents and teachers. In contrast, I am going to explore five reasons why getting employed is a wrong choice.

Time Versus Value
An employee may work part-time of full-time, but he gets paid for the amount of time he can invest. Time is limited to 24 hrs a day, from which we may be able to put in 10 to max 18 hrs for work. This time limitation limits your income as well. And lets say, you get ill and cannot work for the next month. will you get paid? Definitely not. When we use a limited element like time to earn revenue, we automatically limit the level of financial success we can ever acheive in our life. In contrast, lets take a book author who falls under the self-employed. He will keep earning royalties for a successfull book he wrote years ago. Money keeps coming to his bank account when he sleeps, goes on vacation, spend time with his friends and family. The reason is he didn't exchange time for money. He created value and exchanged value for money. Ask yourself - Are you exchanging time or value to earn your income?

Too many mouths to feed
As an employee, are we getting paid for the real profit we bring to the organisation? No, before the salary gets deposited in an employee's account, it feeds other people and the employee get the rest of the amount. Most of the profit amount goes

1, Back to the company for future investments
2, As dividends to the share holders
3, Nearly 30% of your salary is taken by the Government in the name of income tax.

As an enterpreneur or self-employed, he gets what he earns. Taxes may not be avoidable though. But how many self-employed men show the real income and pay the entire tax. The only category of people who pay there taxes completely are employees, because the government gets that share before you get paid.

Domestication versus Freewill
As a kid, we spoke, walked and acted on freewill. As an adult, our actions are somehow tied to the response from others. In addition as you become an employee, you get a junk set of papers telling you terms and policies you need to follow. First thing a corporation does to the life of a man is domestication. You learn that you have to work on a strict timeframe, following the approved dress code, handle yourself as directed by your supervisor. Does it look like domestication or act on freewill to you?

Less Control over Life
I live in a crowded city full of strangers and pollution. My grandfathers and great grandfathers come from a different greenish part of the country. I like to stay in a calm place full of nature. Yet the industry I work thrive in cities. The city I live, the house I choose, the schools my children could go, the neighbours are all completely tied to my employer. As an employee, can you choose the place you like to live? You can't go to a night club, a late night movie, wake up at noon, just hangover with friends doing nothing .. all because you got to go back to office early tomorrow. Do you believe someone else having control over your life looks better than you being the master of your life?

More you earn, more you lose
Corporations have turned numerous normal looking men into dangerous workalholics. Sure there are workaholic self-employed and businessmen, but they get extra when they create extra value. But what does an employee get? Sometimes just a pat from his supervisor or a appreciation note. In the process of getting this, how many have lost contact with their family, got divorced or turn back and see they got no family and friends at one point of time. in case, he gets promoted, the corporate world will put more responsiblity and keep you stay at office more. And the Governement will automatically promote you to the next tax bracket and pick pocket more of your hard earned money.

As always, different paths have their merits and demerits. Being an enterpreneur or being an employee depends on ones likes, dislikes and goals. I believe in enterpreneurship ... what do you believe in ... leave your comments.

If you favor enterprenuership, you may like to read one of my favorite books by Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money--That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!

With luv,
Ashok.

Cultivate Failure Memory Loss

2009-01-09T23:42:00.008+05:30

Hi ... The topic sounds really as though I vote for memory loss. Of course that is true ...

But i do say failure memory loss ...

Most of us are what our experiences has thought us till now. No matter whether you are sixty or sixteen, how you think, respond, it all comes from the experiences you had. Some experiences brought you happiness, made you fly, some brought tears and some shook your knees. We remember most of these unique and emotional successes and failures.

Its good that our memory doesn't store each and every details. For example, What color pant did you wear 3 months 3 days before today ... wow ! the man who can answer this question must be a genius ... If you are that man, real hats off for you. What makes the details of our daily routine fade from our memory and disinguisable happenings stay evergreen? Its mostly because, we bring it for review most often and the happenings are very unique by themselves.Mostly its because we review them more often, they get into our memory and impact my decision making from then on. So we either have experience of succeeding in something or failing in something. An event to stay in your mind evergreen, it should be unique and must have some emotional value.

Bad Memories are DeadWeights

Lets say you had a very bad experience, trying to talk to a girl for the first time in your high school. You made a bad start which ended up in an embarassing situation and the whole school started making fun of you for the rest of the year.what has this experience taught you ? "Dont talk to a girl. You are not good at it". For the rest of your life you are totally going to ignore 50% of the population, I mean the girls. Isn't it a very drastic thing to do. If not so, if you keep this experience dangling before your eyes, you enter college, would you try speaking to a girl, when your previous year experience has taught you not to try the same. That's what happens in most of our lives. Everytime we come up to creating opportunities, new relationships, we refer to our failures and lose almost 80% chance of succeeding.

What is "failure memory loss". It means "Forget all failures you faced in your life. Take a decision to forget". Fill your memory with moments of Joy, Success and Happiness. You need to remind your mind of those moments every now and them and generate the feeling of a successful person. Feeling successful is one essential component of attaining success in whatever we do.

Take Action:

Take a sheet of paper and start writing down all your acheivements - your graduation from college, winning a good friendship, an award, taking up a new responsibility, solving a problem. How little it may look, do it and read it every day before you start your day as America's Success Coach Jack Canfield writes in his wonderful Book The Success Principles(TM): How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

So start to erase your bad memories which act as a deadweight and keep you away from moving forward. Instead choose to focus on your strengths and acheivements. Read your own acheivements and stay an acheiver.You dont have to look at acheivements of others to get inspired. It says, something is possible and you can try it. But read your acheivements, which says, you have done this, so you can do that.

Cultivate this habit of failure memory loss and hold tight to your successful memories. One who feels successful can only repeat Success.

with luv,
Ashok.

Open yourself to Responsibility

2009-01-07T07:27:00.006+05:30

If there is one single attitude that could transform the life of an individual, its the attitude of openness and courage to take up responsibilities in life ...

Here is a simple question.
Who earns more? A CEO or a janitor
Who is more responsible for success of the company? A CEO or a janitor.

who is famous? A king or a soldier
Who holds a very responsible position? A king or a soldier

Its a very direct answer. Its the CEO and the king, the individuals who choose to take responsibilities with courage. Money and fame comes to men and women who have the courage to say "Yes" to responsibility.

Openness to responsibility is one single attitude that could open doors for new opportunities, career growth, engaged mind power, more fame and money. With our same skill, intelligence and experience, we can reach great heights by making this as a habit.

You probably know this is good, but only few engage themselves consiously. Lets explore why many others stay back.

Social Conditioning: As kids, we dont know what is impossible and our dreams had no limitations. As we grow, we learn a lot of "this can't be done, its impossible" from our family, friends and neighbors. As an adult we hear "you can't do it. Don't try and hurt yourself". As a normal human being, we are supposed to be excited about new opportunities and responsibilities, but our social conditioning has made us react with fear and pessimism. Mingle with optimists and you will learn what can be done.

Doing Mistakes is sin: We are all humans and humans are prone to err. Could you expect not to fall down once, as we learn to ride a bike?. Not at all possible. We do fall down, but we jump back because we are excited in learning. We dont fear the criticism. But as an adult, we try to create an image of ourselves doing everything perfectly. This is a constant demotivator to learning or trying any new opportunity/ responsibility. Doing mistakes is an acceptable part of learning and we need to accept it.

Lose Touch with Friends: Lets say you were part of your project team and suddenly the General Manager choose you to lead the same team. Things will start changing. Collegues who have been sharing all those "this company sucks, those two collegues share some intimate relationships", may find it hard to maintain the same level of relationship. you actually may lose lots of those friends. At the sametime, you will be gaining access to a new network of leading people. Indeed its emotionally demotivating to lose friends. But its better to find friends who love what you do than deciding to do what your friends like.

So take up responsibilities that are aligned with your purpose and goals with excitement, not fear. Think of life as a roller coaster ride. You can close your eyes to holding any responsible position in family, community and work and say you had a safe landing or you can open your eyes and you enjoy the ups and downs. I prefer the later than mere existence.

Welcome to Continous Improvement

2008-12-28T21:39:00.003+05:30

Hi,

I am Ashok. I am fine and hope the same from you. I am starting ashoklive.blogspot.com to share my personal opinions and views about self-improvement.

I commit to deliver you three articles on possible areas of self-improvement every week at this blogspot. I invite you to join hands in exploring tips for personal growth and leave me your comments.

If you would like me to write on a particular topic in the personal growth arena, do leave me a comment.

Take Care,
Ashok